I thought I’d take the time to actually cook the Top Ramen noodles for once (instead of eating it out of the bag), and made a nice, healthy 400-calorie lunch. Does this look fattening to a low-carber? I bought this kale yesterday, at a fellow shopper’s suggestion. She said to sauté it in “ghee or coconut oil” (cult alert!). She obviously wanted me to ask her what ghee was, so she could tell me about her Paleo diet, but I didn’t bite. I said I just had “regular oil”. I admitted it was canola oil. Luckily, she didn’t give me the omega-6 lecture. I told her I was going to eat it with Udon noodles, and she just smiled and bit her tongue.

What is it with this internet echo-chamber?! Before, a new fad diet would have to be relatively simple (i.e., “carbs are bad”). Now, with the internet, blogs, and message boards, these diets are incredibly specific. I have to sauté in grass-fed ghee? I have to limit my protein intake because of glycogenesis in the liver? I have to avoid exposure to all artificial light sources while I sleep?

Oh well, if you want effective magic, you have to follow all the steps exactly as written in the spell book.

I make my famous Chinese Ginger-Sesame Salad two or three times a week. I chop up a yellow bell pepper, two green onions, cilantro, a carrot, a head of napa cabbage, some purple cabbage, a tangerine, a bag of crushed Top Ramen, and a bag of crushed roasted almonds, all by hand. It takes a while, but it’s worth it. I make the dressing with minced ginger and garlic, lemon juice, rice vinegar, toasted sesame seeds, salt, pepper, 10g of sugar, and 15g of toasted sesame oil.

All together, there’s about 1000 calories in the salad, including 25g of protein, and 45g of fat. I eat it all in one sitting. If I’m still hungry afterwards, it’s real hunger, since the bulk of the salad and fibre do it’s best to fill up the stomach.

Yes, I know this stuff isn’t good for you. And I know it’s particularly unhealthy to eat it straight out of the bag, uncooked, in front of the tv. Amazingly, I still lost 23 kg over the last 11 months, while buying this stuff by the case. I probably go through one of these every two weeks. I never prepare it in a soup. I either eat it straight out of the bag (bad), or crush it into my favourite Chinese no-chicken salad (good).

There are 12 x 85g packets in the case, totaling 1.02 kg. A kilo of pure carbs has 4000 calories, but since the Top Ramen noodles are fried, the case has 4300 calories. That’s not too bad at about 300 calories/day.

Everyone seemed to look down on my Top Ramen recipe. So I made the move up to instant udon noodles. I’m not sure how they keep the noodles soft indefinitely on the shelf without refrigeration.

I buy baby Bok Choy just for all the Top Ramen I eat. I add it in to the saucepan during the last minute of cooking the noodles.  I don’t drink a lot of the soup broth, which probably contains all the nutrients.

Top Ramen makes for a quick, healthy meal when you add lots of fresh vegetables.  It’s has about 150g of cooked noodles, and 400 calories.